Suddenly thought of how much we trust random people all around us, well thought of this a fews times but never bother to note it down. As in we trust doctors not to poison us, trust dentist to put sharp spinning things in our mouth at a lying position, like if they would want to kill you it would be even easier than cleaning your teeth. We trust the bus driver not to run off the bridge, we trust every single person we meet in a day not to be a suicide bomber and kill us in that split second, we trust chefs not to poison our food even though it would be so easy to. The scary thought that pur entire existence could just be gone like this, that we'll just be a digit on the papers, every single thing we went through, all the things we though were so important would not be anymore...well thats just scary. We trust that people are not psycothic monsters even though we all know theres a part inside all of us that is the person we all fear off.

Just finished has  my last ever inter schools individual events, well its one i really tried my best and well didn't achieve what i wanted. 2 3rds seem like a shitty thing to get but well maybe one day i'll look back it what seem to matter so much now wouldnt anymore. It feels so weird having to finish my last ever inter schs individual event. Just like how i started it all with 100fly and now it has come to an end. Never thought this day would come...well i knew that during the o level period i'll step down a lot but now, it is really the end. Like i'm over age and would be impossible to ever enter this competition that has been a huge part of my life that made everything what it is now. It literally changed my life from the very first pri5 inter schs i've ever been to. Didn't know it would have such a big impact on me personally and it feels weird looking back now to the person who felt that pri 6 wpuld be her last race ever and all those big people who are stll competiting seem like a far journey from where i was at and now, i'm as big as they can go, i've lasted longer that most have and well now its time to move on. Its really sad to find out, swimming, who had made me who i am today, who had changed my life forever, wouldn't really make a difference from now on. Swimming gave me personal identity and now its all going away. It feels so strange, like i never imagine swimming would ever be such a big part of my life, yet i never could have imagine ever leaving this sport. Left with one last medley relay tomorrow and so gonna have emotional moment, will take many pictures and one day look back and remember all this ups and downs, fun and thrilling moments that hopefully would still make me feel that crunch in the stomach and my heart racing with my hands all numb. Goodluck to me and all the best for my last inter schools event ever.

I didn't know we were all robots, all things to follow a format, wheres the freedom in that, saying things we don't mean, doing things we don't feel like doing, suck up to people starts from such a young age, and even relatives need sucking up to. I didn't know that our relations are so shallow, if being a good girl is what you guys need ok, so be at. What is personality right? Who needs to be unique? The perfect clone is enough right? Why didn't you just say so, i should have just killed off this thing called soul that i have cause i think it prefers to be free to make its own choice and caging it inside is just unfair to it. In this society where social protocol is key, nothing else matters right? Just do whatever you have been taught it "right", you know whats right doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense, just do it. Manners, who created it in the first place? Like do caveman say sorry to those who they accidentally hurt? Do they say thank you when someone bring them food? I always though silence speaks louder than words, that you'll understand that i'm grateful, that our relationship is deeper than that, that silence is not awkward for us, but i guess i was wrong...so here thank you for telling me whats "right" i'll take that to mind that we are not as close as i thought, remember the line i told your about, it just became a river.

So do do do ti la so, so re re re mi re do, so do do do ti la so, so so la ti do do do, do do do do la so fa, fa so la la so fa so, re so so so fa mi re, so fa mi re do do do, mi do do do fa mi re, re do ti do re so so, dooo mii reee faaa, mi re do ti so so so

sry i didnt rit yesterday i was very tired as i just finish trg so yup today im bout 2 go 2 sch now. im kinda rush rit now so rit again next time cya

OMG!!! i cant continue like this. I deprove in all my events, the ones that i am most confident all deprove. ahhh i hav 3 more events what am i gonna do. i dnt know wat 2 do. i cnt help it, i tried to do my best but just cnt reach my PB. i hav 2 represent my sch for a very important competition. if i did badly i would get scolded or wat adults usually say "dicuss some mater". im competing with ppl tat are 1 year older than me n im 1 of the 2 youngest in the competition. i cnt let my sch down not tat i luv my sch but bcuz i dnt want 2 b ashame when i come back. if got chosen bcuz i won most of the sec 2 in my sch but now i keep on deproving i cnt go on lik tis. talk next time hope things wil get beter after 2day

Hi!

Natasha
28 Feb
No sibling

Amanda. Aviv.




May 2009
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